Certain things

Certain things they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone.

Just place them in a pretty little case and keep them there. So that you don't forget everything. So that there's still something to come back to when you don't know where the hell you are anymore.

The museum

The best thing, though, in that museum was that everything always stayed right where it was. Nobody'd move. You could go there a hundred thousand times, and that Eskimo would still be just finished catching those two fish, the birds would still be on their way south, the deers would still be drinking out of the water hole. Nobody'd be different. The only think that would be different would be you.

It wouldn't be big changes though. But every time you'd come back to that museum, there'd be something different about you. There's never any time to just stay still, and be the same for just a while. There's always gotta be some goddamn change happening, even if you don't want it to.

Nuns

I met a couple nuns during breakfast when I was at a breakfast bar, and they were real friendly, you could tell. It was refreshing almost, talking to them.

Anyways, I took their check off them, but they wouldn't let me pay it. The one with the glasses made me give it back to her.

"You've been more than generous," she said. "You're a very sweet boy." She certainly was nice. She reminded me a little bit of old Ernest Morrow's mother. When she smiled, mostly.

I like nice smiles. Usually you can tell right away by the person's smile if they're a big phony or not. But usually the person's more phony than real. It's hard to find someone that's not phony nowadays.

I don't know about old times in the past, but I haven't met very many genuinely nice people in my life.

I will try to fix you

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above earth or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

I'm no goddamn softie, even though the lyrics are quite corny, but after listening to this song, I didn't feel so damn depressed anymore. I was still sad as hell but not too sad that I'd jump off a window.

No one should be so damn lonely like this. We just need to stop being phonies and start acting like respectable human beings.

What a goddamn night

It took me quite a while to sleep after the incident with Maurice and that girl Sunny barging into my room to steal $5.00 from my wallet. I wasn't even tired - but finally I did. What I really felt like, though, was committing suicide. I felt like jumping out the window. I probably would've done it, too, if I'd been sure somebody'd cover me up as soon as I landed.

I doubt anyone would even notice me gone. Maybe my parents would get into a fit, especially my mom. And maybe D.B. and Phoebe would miss me. And I'd miss Phoebe too.

But all this goddamn loneliness is just about killing me. And getting a beating from that fat old moron, Maurice, didn't help all too much. But my life is just pathetic, I don't even know how I've lasted this long. If there was one goddamn thing in my life that I could stay for, I'd be happy. That's all I'm asking for, one thing.

Jesus and his Disciples

I'm sort of an atheist. I like Jesus and all, but I don't care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible. Take the Disciples, for instance. They annoy the hell out of me, if you want to know the truth. They were all right after Jesus was dead and all, but while He was alive, they were about as much use to Him as a hole in the head.

If you want to know the truth, the guy I like best in the Bible, next to Jesus, was that lunatic and all, that lived in the tombs and kept cutting himself with stones.

I don't understand why you're supposed to like the Disciples. All they did was fail Jesus every time He tried to teach them to do things right. But I guess they didn't know any better.

Sunny

There was this girl, Sunny in my room. She was a prostitute, but she got all damn nervous and made me feel more depressed than sexy when she pulled off her dress so sudden. It didn't make me feel sexy at all.

"Ya got a hanger? I don't want to get my dress all wrinkly. It's brand-clean." She said.

"Sure," I said right away.

It was funny. It made me feel sort of sad when I hung it up. I thought of her going into a store and buying it, and nobody in the store knowing she was a prostitute and all.

I wanted to ask how she became a prostitute. She was young as hell, around my age. But she was so damn peculiar I couldn't get around to it. She made me nervous when she was jiggling her leg up and down on that seat. I still tried to talk to her though. I even offered her money and said I didn't want to do anything else. But I couldn't really say anything much, she wasn't too interested in having a conversation.